Top Regrets of the Dying

It's 6.03 and I should be on the road. The rain has stopped and the birds are calling me, but the hotel doesn't have someone at the front desk till 6.30. So I'm lying in bed anxious to go and thinking.

I'm here to sort my life out before it starts I think. I have just finished twenty one years in education, I'm twenty five now, soon to be twenty six and I've never really worked a 37.5 hour week before. It's real world time now.

I'm so lucky in that I have a job to go back to, it's all getting sorted while I'm in Spain. It's all coming together behind the scenes, but I wanted to take this time out to figure out how I want the rest of my life to go. It's important and I do have a say.

I came across this article a friend posted on Facebook called Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Might be a little morbid but it's not really.

http://m.guardiannews.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This is big for me. I started studying art because ... well I liked it and people told me I was good at it. Also preparing for my portfolio got me out of religion classes. Then I started studying radiography because I realised art wasn't great for getting a job and supporting myself. Also, I had an in because I studied physics and had experience in the hospital. And people told me I was good at it. But what I didn't realise was that I really wanted to escape, to live in another country but feel the security of studying something useful. Almost like assuaging the guilt of doing the art degree, which worked! I got a job at my first interview and now I'm set. Hopefully. But now what? What do I really want?

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Apparently this is from almost every male patient asked, which is very interesting. This is the path I will follow after the camino. Working to live. I know it is, to pay back my parents, to become truly my own person, to travel the world with the people I love. I'm worried that once the money starts coming in I'll get used to it and want more and more and forget to live.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Yeah, I don't think I have a problem with positive feelings, negative feelings I think spill over and make grace crazy. I need to think on this one. Might do a further blog post about it.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

IMPORTANT!! Because I'm usually terrible at keeping in contact with friends. Especially this year when I've made so many new ones and we are all about to scatter to the winds.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

...

People who know me, know that this is the one I am the MOST terrible at. I always have to be worrying about something or someone else. Nothing can just be, I have to make up something to worry about if life is going well. Like right now. My life is actually finally coming together and I feel sick with worry over a form that didn't arrive in time for me to complete it and send it back!

GRACE JUST. BE. HAPPY!

It is a choice. I got good at it about two years ago and then slipped back into comfortable self pity. I'm going to get it back. I promise.

Now you can all stop nodding in exasperation, I'm going for a walk.

Xx.

Buen camino!